Everything I constantly think about can never be say out loud why? Because all I ever say is the truth. If I say
.. This person does this... Its not me judging you. Its an observation I just saw you do. That thing that if done to you, you would be flipping out chasing that person down like only you have the right to treat yourself and all others like shit also expecting all those people you shit on to cater to your every want and need. All those things that rule your thoughts in order to distract your mind from facing your true issues. Egotistical self hatred cause by being raised in a society that values monetization and not self worth. We are taught how to make money, not how to love ourselves and sustain happiness. Economic advancement for one absolutely means the opposite for someone else.
We are fed this idea to take care of only yourself and your family. While truthfully family winds up being the very venue parents spread their unresolved issues to their kids. With lies and half truths, demanding respect from a life you most likely didnt choose to create but chose to keep and birth to have that same distraction from past trauma.
Or you wanted someone who would be forced to love and rely on you.
Let me say this... I know a lot about other people from knowing a lot about myself. I was raised by my mom, and a man who made my life miserable. He verbally abused me every day and took my self esteem from me. I use to believe I was worthless, lazy, undeserving, a burden, unwanted, friendless, weak, whatever.... I now know that the only reason he did this is because he is a coward who cant admit that he feels these ways about himself and not me. Because of his shitty father who I'm sure was worse to him. That was the main justification anyway. Then i say... Well did you enjoy him being worse to you? No you didnt. Are you crippled daily by anger and fear? Yes you are. Now today you still cant apologize while saying 'i didnt mean to ruin your life!'
But.... Didn't you? This is your revenge. Pay back is the only tradition we have right?
So being in recovery and hearing others stories i now know that all drug addicts pretty much have a similar story.
So....Drug addiction is not a disease. Or really the addiction either.
The disease began generations ago and has been passed to us. The addiction to pain. Because its all we have ever been given!!! Of course we thunk we deserve this pain and probably even think pain is its counterpart. Pleasure. Thats why all our sex preferences are twisted up and mixed with some form of physical abuse. I truly even believe that some forms over homosexuality are do to parent figures either demasculating a boy or a girl abused by a man now needs to proove to herself she can live a lifetime not needing any man. The trauma done to us we often choose to keep perpetuating to ourselves throughout the rest of our lifetime unless we confront the past. Admit to ourselves that even tho yes we were victimized it wasn't our fault. Just because you feel a certain way about anything does not mean you must feel that way forever. When you get angry. It is possible to regain mindfullness and make a positive decision. It is ok to make mistakes. Trial and error is what evolution is. Learning oppurtunities. However. If you are choosing to insanely repeat the same petty bullshit mistakes daily... Then you have surpassed your issues being the fault of anyone else and now you are just a full grown adult acting like an ignorant entitled child who acts like he only cares about himself when in truth. Self is the only person you are constantly abusing and judging and wasting the life that has been gifted to you.
Trust me.. I know these things because yes I have been guilt of them just like everyone else.
So before you get all upset like I'm talking shit on you and only you because like i said...... You you you. Before you think that I am saying that i am better then anyone else just know. I believe we are all equal. But also..... I fucking know im better then the majority of people out there. Why? Because I am willing to speak and defend what i know without anger and confrontation used to intimidate in hopes the other person falls victim to my emotion spread bbecause your a fucking coward pussy who thinks fighting is respectable or helpful or deserved or fun or needed or whatever. You ddont anyway. You kmow youre wrong thats why fighting is used to disrract from the fact that you have no facts or justification on your side.
Plus you get that much needed attention youre starved for because you refuse to show anyone your true self. How can you ever have someones attention when you're hiding right in front of them!!!! Then from tensing your stresses out muscles 24/7 you develope cancer that ttakes you in 2 months because your body uses all of uts energy bracing for an impact that never comes , never reaching a true point of relaxtion or rest as stress is the foundation for all disease and illness