Day 142 of recovery. I'm in a very difficult situation that I'm hoping is just a phase and not my new reality. So we've worked our way through the excitement, punishment, and setting of boundaries phases. New one appears to be the "now that you're all better we're going to go back to driving you insane" phase. I actually told my daughter this morning that I can't deal with her shit anymore and I'm sending her back to her abusive mom. And I meant it. And typing it out right now I'm not sure I don't still mean it. Go live with someone with an inexhaustible supply of criticism for a while and then tell Dad he's impossible to live with. Man I hate people.
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Change is constant. Whether you feel “good” or “bad”, those are temporary states of being. As long as you put your recovery first and don’t pick up that first one things inevitably will improve because that’s the only possible outcome.
This stage of recovery is hard, you’re going to be tested. But your new reality IS that you are clean and you are facing a difficult challenge. That’s all it is. Frustration is just a part of life for normies too. And you can only control what your actions are and how you respond to your emotions. Luckily you’re on here posting and sharing about your struggle which will inevitably make your pain lessen. There’s nothing like one addict talking to another.
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Sometimes, when we are at our wits end we act rashly. How old is your daughter? Sounds like a teen. The teen mentality is often parents never are enough. There is nothing you can do about that. They Learn better by the time they become parents themselves...normally. how long was she with the mother? Often children left with an abusive parent feel abandoned and lost. The feeling persists even when they are removed from that situation. They feel that they were abandoned once so it will happen eventually, so they push for it to happen on their terms. I recommend you go to family counseling. A safe place both of you can air how you feel and she can learn you are there for the long haul.
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I want to be supportive but reading about sending a child to an abusive parent is really upsetting. That makes you abusive. This daughter has already been exposed to substance abuse by a parent. Who is helping her?
Oh chill TF out. Her Mom is just a never ending nag.. Daughter is back now and totally safe.
Well Chris this stuff of recovery is deep but we are all worth it so remain strong and you will survive and come out way better than being in active addiction let me know if you ever need to talk to someone ok?
Much appreciated. The vent was good.
Yeah sometimes that’s all we need to do is get it out
It's going to take some time for your new life to take root Chris. You only started 142 days ago and even though that's commendable it's really just getting started. I don't know how old your daughter is but maybe she's just going through a phase in her development. I'm going to guess that she's a teenager. Life's problems go on even after we get clean and sober.
Life doesn't suddenly become a bowl of cherries. But we get better and better at handling problems, one day at a time, without picking up a drink. One of the biggest mistakes that newcomers make especially in early sobriety is they simply stopped drinking but they don't incorporate any kind of a solution other than will power which surely fails every time.
If you're not going to AA meetings, found a sponsor and getting into the 12 steps I highly recommend that you start. I also recommend that you get to as many AA meetings as possible and start surrounding yourself with people that have long-term sobriety and are working the program.
You're going to need this more now than ever and it will help you make clear decisions about issues such as what's going on between you and your daughter. Just take a deep breath and don't let this stuff get to you. Also, ask yourself one question. What can I do to change this right here and now?
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.
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Very well said Matt
Great synopsis Steve