Dammit, guys, when does this start to get better?!?! I know this is only day 3, and I was doing better yesterday I thought, but this morning I woke up depressed and overthinking everything, especially my recent binge. I feel/think nobody in my life likes/loves me even though I did nothing in front of anyone to embarrass myself in Vegas. Mostly feel like I’m just a problem to my husband and he doesn’t love me but more so pities me, because if he left theres no way I could support myself on my own income. I texted him this morning for support, and that I was having these thoughts. He simply states “stop”. Ok, wow, super helpful, never would of thought to just “stop”. I told him I was looking for support and that wasn’t very helpful. No response. He just got home and conversated like nothing happened. I’m tired of feeling disregarded/dismissed. Also, I’m back at work today and thank God I’m still working from home because i feel so out of it still, cognitively. Im just getting annoyed with how I feel and I’m not sure whether I want to punch a wall, cry my eyes out or both. But I have to keep it together and ignore my feelings so I can do my job and help others with their problems. Just feeling so lost and uncertain. I know Gods with me but He feels so far away.
I’m nearing 100 days clean. And I still identify, however where I am now is infinitely better than where I was at day 3. Keep your head up. 
Yeah. It took me about 10-14 days just to kinda get brain dopamine levels straight and those other chemical reactions right. Pending on how much and how long you've been drinking. I felt a lot different after 3 mos. I know that. Things became a lot less overwhelming. Hang in there. You can do this and will never regret it!
Never been a daily drinker but more so habitual binge drinker during parties or vacations. And this last stint was a week long, which my typical binge is 1 night maybe 2, so maybe that’s why.
I’m also scared that once these feelings go away, it’ll be as if it never happened .. I’ll do good for awhile then my stupid brain will convince me “hey, your good, it was vacation, you can drink because it doesn’t happen ALL the time”.
Jennifer, I sound like a broken record here, but go to meetings. A lot of them. Listen. We all tell the same stories. And we all thought we were the only ones going through the awful cycle of binge/regret/abstain/relapse.
Finding out I’m not special was a tremendous relief. I just waited too long to find my people.
Your husband doesn’t know what the fuck to do with you because addiction is making you crazy. Forgive my lack of medical vernacular. He can go to Al Anon to find out he’s not special either. He’s either a drunk too, or codependent, or both?
Commit to it. Do the 90 meetings in 90 days. It cannot hurt you. I promise. If you do 90/90 and decide it’s not for you, you go back out and try something else.
Moderation does not work for alcoholics like me. It might work for a night or a weekend but eventually I’m back in the cycle of hating myself for “being weak” instead of loving myself enough to accept help.
If you had cancer would you try to beat it yourself?
Yes. And I have done just that before! The one thing different I have done this time is trying AA. I mention this because it seems to help me stay engaged hearing others stories and sharing what's going on with me. If nothing else it reminds me of my alcoholic brain and I'll never be able to drink again like others.
Hello Jennifer! Yes it does get better in due time. I don’t know how many years you’ve been drinking. But remember it took you many years to get where you are today. I’m talking about that alcoholic. I drink for about 15 years and I was a bad alcoholic and I still am. It took me a while to get rid of the feelings of being depressed and overthinking everything. But I still do it from time to time. You’ll see it does get better. And you’ll start feeling better as well. And when you start feeling that way you’ll see how much better your life will be. So keep doing what you’re doing. You must want to be sober you still talking about it. And you’re getting suggestions from people and feedback. And yes I’m going to say it go to meetings. That’s one thing we need to do to get the help that we need from others like us. And you talk about nobody in your life likes you. They like you it just might be the new you. That’s why they tell us that we need to change people places and things. I know that’s probably something you don’t want to hear. But I found that out the hard way it works trust me it really does.
And as far as your husband goes he’s never going to know how you feel. Because he’s an alcoholic as well. He will stop when he’s ready but until then you probably won’t get much support from your husband. Because you guys were drinking buddies all this time. You probably don’t wanna hear any of this but that’s the way it goes. Go to meetings And you’ll hear your story in there somewhere. You’re not the only one that’s gone through this. I’m pretty sure that there’s many of us out there that’s gone through the same thing.
Just remember do you have friends. And you also have new friends in this program that are willing to help you.
Look none of this is easy at first but with time you probably won’t remember how bad it is now but only time and sobriety is going to have to happen.you see?
Maybe would if I caused it myself. I’ve been an off an on drinker for 15 years maybe. With binge drinking at least once every other month with weeks of sobriety in between. Just recently got worse with the pandemic. As far AA I attempted a meeting lastnight and it was a good distraction… and you can tell me your opinions on this but here’s what I saw. I work in a field listening to peoples problems and trying to help them ALL day. I work up to 10 hrs a day… I have a family I need to cook for, help them with their struggles and homework. and keep care of myself by exercising at least. I rarely have time to add ANOTHER thing on my to do list. But here’s the main thing. Listening to peoples problems all day, I got really tired of hearing more people lastnight for 45 minutes. I don’t mind doing one on ones so maybe I need to go private and do therapy again or a coach. I also don’t mind listening on here because I don’t have to actually “hear” as in intense emotions and crying. I also of course don’t mind listening or helping out my family friends when needed. I’m not saying I won’t attend another meeting on Zoom, but not daily, i can’t physically or emotionally so it. I’m already burned out near daily as it is with my work family and personal crap.
In fact, I’ll probably do one tomorrow night because my husband goes to darts and drinks and comes home late so it’ll give me time to have and privacy. Plus him going out can be a trigger for me not because he plays darts, I believe couples should have their separate interests… but because I know he’s drinking and he comes home drunk. I’m sorry I’m just a bit hypersensitive and more easily agitated at the moment… I’m angry with myself with makes me angry at everyone.. I’m not trying to be bitter but I’m not feeling well right now and just trying to figure my shit out
You can say whatever you need to or want to say. Not going to hurt my feelings so long as I’ve got ice cream and my dogs. Lol.
Seriously, I could throw the (big) book at you but you already know what to do.
 I felt the same way about meetings at first when I started going. Didn’t want to listen to everybody else’s shit because I had my own shit to deal with. But after going for a few times I started listening and I heard somebody talk about The shit that I was dealing with. And then I realized go to buy talked about it they help me with it. So you just have to go there and listen and talk about your shit. They will help you trust me I know I’ve been in AA for so long that it’s easy. You will see once you start talking about your shit and let people help you. You will be surprised at how many people have the same issues as you do. And one day you will start helping other people. And you’ll see how good that feels as well. But the main thing that you need to do now let’s take it one day at a time. And go to meetings whenever you get Time and go to zoom and do meetings there.
Your absolutely right. I do know what I need to do … it’s just executing it. But first off I need to just get back to feeling normal again, and I can think clearer. I’m not bashing AA, I know it’s helped a shot ton of people, but it’s not the ONLY solution either. It’s ok to go a different route… treatment/recovery isn’t linear. But I thank you for your suggestions and advice on what worked for you. Tbh this place has been more helpful to me than anything so far. Now maybe I need some ice cream 
Feeling depressed is tough, but I’d imagine it beats all the other stuff on the other side. It gets better when you frame it in that perspective. I know I drank to run away from depression specifically, and did a lot of uncomfortable work to confront it head on. But the journey is definitely worth it.
Also, you are worth more than just what your partner thinks of you. Sure, it’s relevant but not definitive. If he isn’t giving you the support you need, there are alternatives like friends, family, videos you relate to, or any sober community. Grab it wherever you can find it.
Take pride that you’ve regained control of you life, even if it’s just in this way for now. Work on the other parts when you can.
I appreciate that thank you. Getting back to my exercise has been helping some … exercise and weight lifting has been my go to for years.
I find that if I can look at each new day without expectations and just see it for what it is I can better apply the "one day at a time" every day we experience clean is new.
So I may catch some kickback for this response, but I think it needs to be said- expectations are resentments waiting to happen. We can't expect anyone to react or respond in a way we want them to. He may not know HOW to respond... He may be responding out of frustration or disappointment or some other emotion he's processing. That being said, he is your husband so OF COURSE it's normal to want that comfort and support from him, so I'm not by any means telling you you're wrong for wanting that from him, just acknowledge that sometimes people fall short of what we expect from them; were all human. I put expectations on people more than I'd like to admit & I get my feelings hurt every time. Thank God we can still recover despite this! Hang in there; IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER!!! I swear I cried every day for the first 3 months, but then the fog lifted and things got so much clearer. Early sobriety is a 
- please reach out to women in your sober circle for support... We've been there and can help!
Facts