Back at day one and honestly I really feel like I'm losing it but the problem is that I know I'm not going crazy and I really do want to succeed and make it but how am I supposed to do that when I'm already going crazy trying not to use but then I feel/think that people are or trying to "Gaslight" me which has been an ongoing issue that has jus been making things worse which I know they jus want me to get help but that's why it makes things even harder because I know I need the help and that's what I've been trying to do especially when I've asked and begged for them to tell me if that's what's going on but it's always the same answer "do you think that it's just the drugs?" Even though you know for a fact it's not the drugs. So yeah I guess you could say I'm losing my mind, Either of that or I'm hearing voices from other people That know all about my problems and issues when they weren't around to hear about it. I'm jus beyond emotionally and mentally tired and done with it. I just wish I could be happy with the woman I fell in love with and her love and be happy with me but that's something that only happens when I close my eyes and dream.
It's easy to fall back into old habits when our lives are in turmoil. This chemical substance that brings artifical happiness becomes our crutch... if we lean too hard on that crutch it will break under the weight of holding us up and we will fall down with it. I encourage you to find other ways of coping. Additionally, recovery comes about easier in a supportive environment. Recognizing the struggle within the relationship, I would highly recommend seeking the support of recovery groups in your area that you can be apart of. Relapse is often part of recovery. See this as a learning experience and draw strength from it to press forward.