Day one of my sober life. I’ve had many day 1s so not feeling too confident with myself. I try and try, and even though alcohol has done nothing but bring me down I still go back to it. I know I have a problem. it seems like alcohol is normalized even if it ruins life’s. Everywhere I go I see it. I know alcohol is going to be the death of me but I still go back to it. Well I guess not today
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writting on this because it seems like I don’t have too many people to talk to in life about my problem. I tell me friends i have a problem and they say “no you don’t, you were just drunk” or “you’re thinking too much about it” they don’t see the many lonely nights of my drinking by myself blacking our, yelling, crying.. well I don’t see it either bc I’m blacked out but I can feel It. I do have a family member that is a recovering alcoholic. She knows I have a problem but I’m not brave enough to talk to her. My mom and dad also know I have a problem I talk to them about it when I can but they just worry. I’ve tried AA but not a big fan of The religious part. Maybe I’m making excuses. I’ve tried therapy and it has helped. I’m scared because alcohol will always be around. It was around before I was born and will be around after. I’m scared I won’t be able to beat alcohol and that it will beat me instead.
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Hey @gene85446 so glad you reached out. I can identify with everything youre saying - especially about my friends saying I didn’t have a problem but all my friends were also addicts or super high functioning heavy drinkers/ users. I Was a bartender so it was literally everywhere and all my friends drank. did end up crying and screaming in public on many occasions and so less and less friends wanted to be seen with me, so I isolated most of the time or just went out alone for ”free” alcohol. Anyway. My sister knew I had a problem, as did my dad but my mom was an alcoholic and they never knew what to do about it so they didn’t know what to do with me. Anyway I went to treatment. Cut everyone off that I hung out with and started fresh. That was uncomfortable and incredibly lonely at first but I was used to being lonely so it was worth it, bc I was actually doing something different. It was hard, very hard , but I went to AA and that helped. I was hesitant about aa too bc of the idea of a higher power and it does seem religious but it’s not. I had to tinker around with several different forms of spirituality until I figured out what worked for me. I grew up in an extremely religious home so religion was super triggering for me at first but I learned that AA isn’t religious at all it just kind of sounds like it is bc of the verbiage. Id suggest finding some meetings in your area and sticking with it, and try not to Focus on any religious aspect. also join some groups & post on here & stay connected. We’re here to help 
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Hey Rachel! Thanks for reaching out! means a lot
Hey, Gene. Keep hanging in there. I know you feel like you can't but reach out to your cousin. She can help you in ways others can't because she has been through it, too. Don't let shame keep you in the same situation. You said you tried before and it didn't work. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. You gotta do something different if you want different results.
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Well admiting that you cant stop and accepting that your powerless over alcohol is a great start! It does get easier . Going to a treatment center or iop then a sober house is really helpful. Sometimes you have to start there and limit yourself to temptation
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Thank you Andrew!
Thank you Victoria!
hey Gene, I can relate as well. I’m only 9 days sober and i always wonder what am I going to do with this new found time. all my friends are heavy drinkers and I haven’t really opened to them about what I’m going through (probably fear of judgement or not being validated). anyways, my therapist led me to a site for AA (https://www.nyintergroup.org/) where zoom meetings are held all around the world… im grateful I found an amazing community. by way of background, I’m Hindu, so when I joined my first meeting, I was completely thrown off by the word God, higher power, etc… AA did have a very religious context just by nature since it’s been around for so long… but through networking, I was told a higher power can be anyone or anything. i still haven’t found mine yet, but once you take away the religious connection to it, i think it‘s extremely beneficial. ive never felt so much unconditonal love from a community that are strangers. If you want to give AA another go, join meeting ID 7840540277 on Zoom. It’s a beginners meeting so most people are still in their first 90 days and it’s a speakers meeting. its 6:45 PM EST every day and you can find me on there almost every day (maybe it’ll be easier if you know someone). Hope this can help And always feel free to DM me if you’re struggling! one day at a time bro.
Alcohol is a tricky thing yes cause it is everywhere. I couldn’t stop even facing the consequences I was along with knowing I was hurting others and not just myself. Honestly I didn’t think I could get to where I was now. It took and I know it’s said a lot but hitting a bottom sufficient enough to get me stop Which was being arrested, yeah that sucked but it also saved me because it finally allowed me to detox albeit in a cell for 14 days But it was something I couldn’t do on my own. Now as far as staying sober take it one day at a time or even an hour at a time that’s what I do. A.A. Does help as far as having a support group but yeah it’s not for everyone but what helped me was not looking at the program in a religious aspect but a spiritual one. your higher power is what you make it thats what helped me ease into some of those ideas.
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