12 Days Clean - Today was great. I’m always in such a good mood and sometimes I don’t know if it’s me hiding or if I’m really okay. I went so long having No choice but to be okay, smile, look happy and pretend life is perfect, that it takes me a while to feel my own truth.
It caused me avoid people for the longest because I didn’t want to stop hearing my own heart and thoughts as soon as I was near someone or deal with the anxiety of being embarked about having no confidence or back bone.
But today I had an awesome conversation with 3 perfectly good strangers and spoke in a virtual NA meeting. I stayed calm and relaxed as much as I could and I’m so grateful to God for allowing me to speak and be at peace. I’m Thankful to feel more of myself everyday.
Today I realize I was never weak or insecure and I didn’t NOT know myself. I was just on drugs, people, food, alcohol, things and anything else 
and that had side effects. Without them in my system I have the strength and ability to control my will which is beyond strong despite the addictions. What a blessing.