1 year sober yesterday ..2/7 .
I was so happy and overflowing with gratitude after leaving a 28 day treatment center last March up until about a week before my 1 year anniversary yesterday. I am not sure what is happening now, my mood has crashed. The higher power I found while in treatment feels like it is fading. I am starting to realize- this is it. I dont know what I thought what happen at 1 year. I was so excited for it . And I was happy yesterday celebrating with family. But it is just dawning on me that this is going to be my life now - the rest of it. I have met great people in recovery. At meetings and while in treatment. I just feel sad, claustrophobic, and anxious that I will have to live the rest of my life working some kind of a program to stay sober. I accepted I am an addict and alcoholic last year , finally after many years of fighting it. But now I am angry about it. I just want to be normal. I think deep down maybe I thought after a period of time I'd be cured of this, even though I know that isn't medically possible. I think I foolishly always believed I was different and I could change after a period of sobriety. I dont want to be like this anymore. I am angry that this is my life. I want my serenity back that I found over the past year. But I feel like it is gone now .
I feel this so much. Not just with alcohol but this is also how i feel about my ptsd. It seems so unfair sometimes. Im officially at one year of sobriety today, and i feel weird. Youre not alone. And we have made it this far.
Where this is the new normal, our normal changes every day. The walk you were on for the first year was structured to give you the best chance of learning to keep moving. Now you stand at the gate of a ne horizon. You choose the direction you go from here, just take the tools you earned last year with you. Once you find your trail your serenity will return.
You have changed, for the better! Realize the strength and effort you put forth to be the person who stares back at you in the mirror. Stronger, healthier, a better version of yourself! Give yourself some credit! You’re awesome
Thank you Liz , I feel comfort that I am not alone. And Happy Anniversary!!!
Thank you. That is a great way of looking at it . I love that perspective
Thank you . I have been trying to remember and recognize how much my life has changed for the better. It has been easy to forget how dark the times were before . Thank you for your encouraging words. Much appreciated
Congratulations 
on being sober for 1 year. That's a huge accomplishment. Relish in how far you've come. Remember that you are Enough! and try to remember that feelings are just visitors....let them come and go.